Having Kids…

I have wanted to be a Mommy for most of my life. As far back as I can remember. When I was 16, I picked out my future daughter’s name. When I was married to my first husband, I worked at Target, and picked out a few baby items when they hit clearance… And stored them away.

Thirty came and went. My mental cutoff was thirty-five; no way was I having a kid any later. The good news about thirty, though, is that that was the year I met my current husband, and my two older kids. They were eight and five at the time, and they spent most of the time with their biological mother.

We scheduled the wedding for a weekend when we’d have the kids. I already loved them with everything I had. I gave up on being “Mommy”, though, and settled into being “Mom”. And “Casey”. We gradually got more and more time with the kids, until they were living with us and visiting their biomom.

I got to take the kids to the doctor and to school; pick them up when they were sick; argue about homework; dispense Tums and ibuprofen and nasty pink liquid antibiotics. I got to nag about chores and laundry. So, I got to be a parent in every way that mattered. Except… Something was missing.

And then through the miracle of science, I was able to have a biological child of my own. And this is what I’ve learned…

• Slimy open-mouth kisses (sometimes with teeth) are really sweet.
• Having a secret bed-time ritual with a tween (in our case, tickling hands) is really important.
• Taking a teenager out for her first time driving a stick shift will scare them more than you. And it’s fun. Pee first. Especially if you’re pregnant.
• A naked toddler peeing on the floor is hilarious the first three times… Pooping in the tub is only funny once.
• Hearing “I love you” from a teenager is the sweetest music ever for a mother.
• Being called names really hurts. Being apologized to afterward feels really good.
• No matter how much you think you love your husband, your children will make you love him more (if you don’t kill him first). And your younger children will make you love your older children more.
• Snot is far more disgusting than poop. And stickier.
• It’s fun to lay on the floor and kick your legs in the air for no reason.
• Watching your teenager and toddler together will make your heart all gooey and melty.
• No matter what you do, your children will make mistakes. They have to if they are to grow up. Sometimes they make really bad mistakes. There’s a fine line between helping and enabling. If you can’t take anymore, put the kid somewhere they will be safe and walk away. Sometimes this is a crib, sometimes their room, and sometimes… You just have to let them walk away from you.

Merry Drama-Free Politically Incorrect but Informed Christmas

It seems like everything has to be a drama-filled controversy anymore.

Well, I have thought about a lot of these things, and I’m not exactly politically correct on any of my beliefs. But I’ve been able to reconcile a lot of things in my heart by reflecting on them.

When I was a child – a tween, to be exact – I informed my science teacher, who was a nun, that clearly the Big Bang Theory and Creation were not mutually exclusive. Here’s why: Any “expenditure” of energy causes a change. For instance, flip a light switch on in a silent room, and you can hear the light coming on. A little popping noise. Now extrapolate that sound to the magnitude of “flipping a switch” on the sun. “And God said, ‘Let there be light’!”… And there was a BIG BANG.

Science points to Evolution, as well… But again, Evolution and Creation are not mutually exclusive. The Bible states that God created the world in six days, and on the seventh, He rested. Well, if you read further in, many of the people in it lived hundreds of years. Noah was around 600 when the Flood came. In fact, his first child was born when he was 500 – compare that to now, when most men who have children have their first child before age 40… And don’t live past 100. This points to God’s timeline being rather fluid, and not rigidly tied to our current seconds, minutes, hours, days… So the seven days it took God to create the world could translate to eons in our understanding. We see pictures of Adam and Eve as modern humans, but we really don’t know – they could have been apelike.

Modern Catholicism (and, for that matter, Christianity) point to Jesus Christ being medium brunette with white or tanned skin. This isn’t very likely, considering where he was born and raised. He was a Jew, and he was born near Nazareth, and raised in Galilee. He was very probably olive-skinned and had very dark hair.

We also celebrate Christmas in December, just after the Winter Solstice. Well, Jesus Christ’s birthday is more liable to be in September. Christianity needed to perpetuate itself, and the best time to get this across to Pagans would be near one of their big celebrations. Samhain, which we now know as Halloween, was the closest to Christ’s actual birth; but it was a celebration of death. No good. Next? Ahhh, Yule. Okay, that’s a celebration and sacrifice for good things to come. Sounds like a winner! (And Easter is near Beltane, a fertility – or rebirth – festival.)

Well, now we’ve come to Christmas. Currently there is a huge debate over what color Santa Claus is. Umm. Let’s see… The original was Saint Nicholas, who was, like Jesus Christ, Mediterranean (Greek to be precise). He wasn’t fat. He didn’t wear fur (for goodness’ sake, have you seen the weather in Greece?) But he was benevolent… Then there’s Sinterklaas of the Netherlands and Belgium; and Father Christmas, in England, who (again, check the weather) wore fur.

Clement Clarke Moore began the tradition of the modern Santa in 1823, with his description of “a right jolly old elf” in his poem “A Visit from St. Nicholas”. Later, Thomas Nast immortalized Santa Claus in 1863 in Harper’s Weekly Magazine, though there he was wearing an American Flag. And in the 1930s, the Coca-Cola company used our present “ideal” as a marketing gimmick for soda pop.

All of this just points to Santa Claus being derived from so many different races and ethnicities, he’s a mutt. That, and, well, in my heart, Santa does exist – but not as a human being. Santa is a feeling.

The whole idea of giving gifts also goes right back to the birth of Jesus Christ. The three wise men, or magi, brought gifts to the baby. Gold – to represent his status as King; frankincense is a perfume, to signify his status as a priest and prophet; and myrrh is an anointing oil – used in embalming. How macabre! But now, we give one another gifts as a reminder. And if you subscribe to the Christian beliefs, God gave us his Son, as a Gift.

So I’m not politically correct, but I have some pretty varied beliefs. No matter what else, I have to say… Merry Christmas to you, and yours. I wish for you love, and peace, and joy!