Parenting

There is something simultaneously overjoying and heartbreaking about watching your offspring grow and learn.

It is most pronounced when they are very small, and again when they leave the nest. When they’re tiny, they learn new things every day (including how to push your buttons in the most efficient way possible). When they leave, there is that grief – part of you is thrilled that they can do it, but there’s that little voice inside that wants to ensure it is not forgotten in the world of exciting new things.

That’s what parenting is really about, isn’t it? About teaching this small being the right things: how to love, how to take responsibility, how to be a good person. Part of those big lessons are the smaller ones, such as how to wash dishes and laundry, and to do these things without being asked. To fill the gas tank when you return the car – even if it wasn’t full when you borrowed it. To ask before taking things, and to say thank you when you’re granted permission – and then again when you return or replace those things. How to do yard work quickly and well, so you can then go do what you want to do.

I’m on both ends, right now. My eldest is nineteen; my youngest, not quite two. Eldest left home a couple weeks after she turned eighteen, under stressful circumstances, and has made quite a few spectacular mistakes. I am hoping she’s learned from her mishaps and will just go up – and up – and up! The toddler is making missteps, repeating everything I say (whoops), and being adorable and exasperating (sometimes at the same time). I also have a nearly-sixteen-year-old who is, like any teen, allergic to hard work… But he’s getting there. It’s a process, and it certainly does not happen overnight. I’m still working on me!

Some things, though, that have happened, and I can honestly say I wouldn’t have it any other way:
19 drew a picture of Goofy for a Fathers’ Day card for her Dad. When she was small, “their” movie was “The Goofy Movie”… He had tears in his eyes when he opened it.
16 yanked out an old, rotting fence single-handedly – just because I asked him to. No argument, no procrastination, just did it.
2 helped Mommy make a short video for Daddy, who has been out of town, just to tell him she loved him.

I’m proud of all my kids. Mistakes and missteps, typical teen behavior and terrible twos, as well as some messy situations, and they’re all still making it. Day by day, step by step, lesson by lesson.

The Terrible Twos have arrived.

And early, too.

My daughter’s not quite eighteen months old.

But I think I’ve figured out the problem. And it has a lot to do with their development at this age. First of all, they’re getting independent. First steps are (usually) anywhere from ten to eighteen months. Running is only a couple of weeks behind that, and climbing will probably show up even before those first steps. The real climbing will happen when the child is steady enough on their feet and tall enough to reach… Then watch out, world!

Mobility leads to a lot of exploration. Mommy and Daddy have probably baby-proofed everything up to about two feet off the ground… But they’re so sleep deprived by this time, they don’t think about anything higher until their darling little one gets into it. Hence the early arrival of the word, “NO!” Trust me, they know what it means. And they want to see just how far their boundaries stretch before Mommy and Daddy go off the deep end. “No touch” quickly becomes “get your freaking hands OFF that!” (At which point they repeat “freaking”, ad infinitum.)

So when you tell them “NO,” they hear your tone of voice, they know they screwed up (or more likely, Mommy and Daddy just don’t want them near something), and – meltdown.

My little girl learned “HOT” pretty quickly – and is very careful when I tell her something is. She also will inform us when she believes something is hot. Usually she’s correct – and the stove, coffee pot and grill all qualify in her mind. So does the microwave.

They also are learning words now, very quickly. Anything with emphasis is a favorite – so obscenities and “NO” fall into the same category. I mean, you’re driving down the road and get cut off by some idiot… And for the next five minutes, you hear from the back seat, “ATH-oh, ATH-oh, ATH-oh.” Yep, time to work on that road rage vocabulary…

Now, added into this newfound exploration is pain. Falling down (after tripping over thin air, a toy, or when losing their grip on whatever they weren’t supposed to be climbing on) is a big source of pain. Pain is good here. It can reinforce whatever Mommy and Daddy said about staying on the floor. But then there’s other stuff. Sore throats, runny noses, and… Teething.

Front teeth are sharp and come through pretty easily. Think cutting with a knife. But molars are a whole different story. It’s like shoving a polymer bottle cork through your cheek. And there is nothing you can do to stop this pain. Nothing the toddler can do, either. Now think – when you have a headache, doesn’t it make you grumpy? Take some ibuprofen and all is well. But when your main words consist of “no”, “mama”, “dada”, “tseeze” and “moah”, it’s really, really hard to tell your parents that you need some ibuprofen and a nice cold teething ring. So you go off and bite the cat. The cat, of course, is not happy about this… And then you get in trouble for biting! Oh, the injustice!

So between learning boundaries and growing teeth, it’s no surprise that two-year-olds are whiny, screamy and basically little assholes. You were, too. My prescription: go buy yourself a bottle of nice merlot or chardonnay, and have a sip or two a day. For the child, a cold teething ring and maybe a little children’s ibuprofen or acetaminophen (check the dose out with your kid’s doc, but I use about ¼ the amount ours recommended).

And good luck.